Jim Bean, my best friend, picks me up in his truck
In the backseat JD, my brother in law
My German penpal Helmut J'germeister
Sends me small bottles of liquor in the mail
I know I chosen the right path
So I did the math
The call, will be answered
I will grow up to be a romancer
Hockey is for sissys, football for nerds
Bowling for grandma and her domesticated birds
Jeff, bobby, matt, those football assholes
I slam the door in their faces, they will only see laces
[Chorus:]
Liquor saved me from the sports
I rather sit by the pool in my sperm stained shorts

And get fucked up...
I want to be addicted, subjected by the booze
I'd like to wake up in the morning and feel my oze
My bitch tells me she wished I would never been born
She sits at home and mourn..!
[Chorus]
Baseball for machos
La crosse for the queer
Tap Dance for grandpa
and his conservative peers
I may have vomit on my clothes
But I still know how to break some bones
[Chorus]
Bottoms up, buckle up!!! [x2]