When I went got to the party

They gave me a forty

And I must have been thirsty

Cause I drank it so quickly



When I got to the bedroom

There was somebody waiting

And it isn't my fault

That the barbarian raped me



When I went to get tested

I brought along my best friend Melissa Mahoney, who had once been molested

And she knew how to get there

She knew all the nurses

They were al really friendly

But the test came up positive oh oh



I've seen better days but I don't care

Oh I just sent a letter in the mail...



When I got my abortion

I brought along my boyfriend

We got there an hour, before the appointment

And outside the building

There were all these annoying fundamentalist Christians

We tried to ignore them oh oh



I've had better days but I don't care

Oasis got my letter in the mail...



When vacation was over

The word was all over

That I was a crack whore

Melissa had told them

And so now we're not talking

Except we have tickets to see

Blur in October and I think we're stil going oh oh



I've senn better days but I don't care

Oh I just got a letter in the mail...

Oasis sent a photograph

It's autographed and everything

Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear