Once that you've decided on a killing,
First you make a stone of your heart.
And if you find that your hands are still willing,
Then you can turn a murder into art.
There really isn't any need for bloodshed,
You just do it with a little more finesse.
If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee,
Then it avoids an awful lot of mess.
It's murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,
It's as easy to learn as your ABC.
Murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,
It's as easy to learn as your ABC.
Now if you have a taste for this experience
And you're flushed with your very first success,
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less
Because murder is like anything you take to
It's a habit-forming need for more and more.
You can bump off every member of your family
And anybody else you find a bore
Because it's murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,
It's as easy to learn as your ABC
Murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,
It's as easy to learn as your ABC.
Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious
In history's great dark hall of fame.
All our greatest killers were industrious
At least the ones that we all know by name.
But you can reach the top of your profession
If you become the leader of the land,
For murder is the sport of the elected,
And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand
Because it's murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,
It's as easy to learn as your ABC.
Murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,
It's as easy to learn as your A, B, C, D, E