I went to a doctor with a pain in my head
He said: "Tumor boy! Six months you're dead,
It's gonna be slow and painful
It ain't gonna be no fun"
So I went home and decided
I'll end it now my life's done

Game Over, end of the ride
It's suicide!!!

So I took out a shotgun, I put it in my mouth
I put it in too far, I gagged then ralphed
I jumped in front of a truck
I missed and only felt a breeze
Then I tried a bus, the driver stopped and said:
"Exact change, please!!!"

I survived, was still alive!

I dropped a toaster in the tub with me
It did wonders for my hair
Was gonna drive myself right off a cliff
Got lost on my way there
I took a jar of sleeping pills
But all I did was snooze
I can't do nothing right
I got the Dead Man Blues!

Can't get it right
I'm feeling so uptight
I can't die I gotta wonder why
I try and try and try but I can't die
I've got the Dead Man Blues
'Cause even if I win I lose

I threw a rope around the rafters
Around my neck, stood on a chair
The phone rings, my machine picks up
And guess who's there?
It's a message from my doctor
And he says: "Hey lucky break!
It was just a dirt on the X-ray
Whoops! I made a mistake!"

And then I slipped off the chair
And I was hanging there:
I've got the Dead Man Blues
'Cause even if I win I lose
The Dead Man Blues