I know this guy named Richard
He's my red-necked friend
He does everything the hard way
You see, Rich don't like to bend.
He went out for a haircut
Get himself a little trim
Got hooked up with a beautician
And she set out to do him in

She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no.
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt.
Now Rich knows girls in England
He's a well traveled man
He's been around the world, you see.
He's met some hard demands.
But, Jane, she knocked him right down
Well, he'll just get right back up, whew!
Together they have this bond, you see.
She likes to tie him up.
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no.
She knocked Dick in the dirt
Yea, but, then she kissed him where it hurt, ow!
Now, Rich, he got all junked up.
Something rubbed him wrong.
But, Jane, she straightens him out.
Yeah, it never takes that long.
'Cause Rich, he has no conscience
He's of a friendly persuasion
And any chance he has to meet someone new.
He'll always rise to the occasion.
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no.
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt, ow!
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no.
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt.
Uh! Ow!