Once again, my caution bends to soft amnesia, as I forget that I've been here before.
As the melatonin fails again, and melancholy settles in,
My mouth neglects the shape of words that I know you adored.
Every night it hurts a little more.
And I can't seem to satiate the sadness that still resonates,
Every bone in me will break beneath the weight of guilt that I can't place.
If my happiness isn't permanent,
Then I am no more than a surrogate father,
Lead to the alter to marry the mother despite all of my reservations.
If the joy that I feel is so juvenile, how do I reconcile all the aggression that I seem to harbour,
The selfish depression that makes it so hard to feel loved.
Promise me you'll stay a while, I know I ask you all the time, must be getting hard to pretend.
Safe in the warmth of the sun I let myself undress, revealing wounds that time neglects,
Hesitant I acquiesce to the softest embrace of your bed.
Where shamefully I supplicate for anything that seems to soothe my aches.
Watch me as I dissipate, dissolve into a solvent fear of change.
Despondency bleeds into everything, removing my hands from the wheel of the vehicle,
And I couldn't care at all; sing me to sleep with my mellifluous misery.
Drunk and delusional, numb at the funeral,
Love was once sacrosanct but now it resembles the sound of a language that I'm scared to speak.